DOG 4 SALE. Low maintenance. Eats anything. Especially fond of children. Call Tony PS-8-6696
RABBITS! Make great pets or meat. Many to choose from. $10 each. Tel. PS-3-5468
Pseudonyms. 5 colors still available: Orange, White, Blonde, Pink, Blue. If interested we can meet to discuss. Call Mr. Brown PS-2-7278
Gloves! Many sizes. If you can’t find one that fits, you will be acquitted. See our ad in this issue. Chochran’s Glove. Co. PS-3-4348
FULL SIZE designer mattress by Simmons. Still under original 10-year warranty. Like New. Large blood stain. $40/OBO PS-4-6656
4 SALE: Inherited large quantity of string. Water absorbent. Pre-cut into approx. 1/2" lengths. Price negotiable. Tel. PS-6-6689
SILVER PINEAPPLE from Havana, Cuba. Has gone by other names. Martha knows which one I’m talking about. ☏ PS-2822
Hamburger. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions. On a sesame seed bun. Ask for Ron.
VIOLIN CASE Fits up to 14.375” barrel, 30 rounds & 1-2 small knives. Monogramming available but not advised. Tel. PS-3202
BIZ. 4 SALE My dad put me in charge of our family business. I keep trying to get out but they pull me back in. Make offer. Michael PS-6-234
Vintage Time Machine for sale. Available to meet anytime in the future. Call PS-8463. If I don’t answer call again yesterday.
NEW IN STOCK: Rope, Wrenches, Lead Pipes Candlesticks, Daggers, Revolvers. Call Anthony’s Pawn Shop. ☏ PS-2583
STOCK UP AND SAVE We have a huge selection of overcoats in all sizes. Men and women’s available. Many sizes and colors. Limit one per customer. Tel. PS-3202
Love Seat. Must sell. Downsizing. ☏ PS-4-768
VIBRATOR Only used twice. Like-new condition. $10. Call Jason PS-8-4237
Looking For “Mr. Perfect” But willing to settle. PS-6-2824
Seeking That Special Someone who can disappear on short notice when my other special someone shows up. Is this you? Call PS-2-4328. Don’t ask for Lawrence.
Just want to be held? Single M. 30s. ISO hostage for LTR and eventual Stockholm Syndrome type situation. Will provide meals, clothing, books, and accommodation. If interested simply go about your business. I will find you. I’d like this to be a surprise.
Long Haired, Roguish Scoundrel seeks spirited well-bunned princess. ☏PS-7-398
I NEED U I’m a little bit lonely. ISO someone to hold on forever and take it to the end of the line. This is for now (tonight). Call Bonnie PS-8-9537
SWM Seeks imaginary friend. PS-6-6663
DO YOU NEED someone to assist in getting the memory of an old love out of your heart? Call me, I can help! PS-2-3224. Ask for Rhonda
Butcher & Baker seek candlestick maker for good times. Own tub a plus. Tel. PS-6-2437
SINGLE MALE, 27 Attractive, health-conscious cannibal. Looking to meat new people. PS-6-3287
SINGLE MALE ISO intelligent, funny, down to earth guy, not looking for some skank like Tom in accounting. PS-5-4637
Looking For “Mr. Perfect” But willing to settle. PS-6-2824
MARGOT: The first thing you should know is that we have people everywhere. Not trying to be creepy, just letting you know.
Missed Connection You were at the end of the bar at El Floradita. We both ordered daiquiris with no sugar and double the rum. Want to meet again in Havana? Reply here.
Missed Connection You were at the end of the bar at El Floradita. We both ordered daiquiris with no sugar and double the rum. Want to meet again in Havana? Reply here
DID YOU FEEL IT TOO? To the man in the ski mask who tried to break into my house last night: You ran off when you saw me, but in the short time we made eye contact I felt a real connection. If you’re willing to leave a life of crime behind you, maybe we can go on a date? I’ll be home on Friday night. Please knock this time. I have a gun.
ARE YOU LOOKING for ransom? I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.
SKILLS acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it.
I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. Bryan PS-8-2536
Missed Connection? Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number. So call me, maybe? Ask for Carly. PS-2-2759
LOST Leather wallet. Brown. Monogrammed. Inscribed with “Bad Mother Fucker.” If found call Jules. PS-7-8573
LOST. If found please call. PS-8463
LOST WEDDING RING I lost my wedding ring slicing potatoes at Blackbook. Gold with an inscription on the inside. If found call Mary. $$$ Cash Reward PS-7464 $$$
FOUND: Wedding ring. Approximate size 5-6. Yellow Gold. Still on hand. Call PS-5-2157
M.B. Have you retrieved the box we discussed from Monterey’s Coast? Please deliver to our office. No more Scrabble. Pls. Confirm.
I’m funny. I mean funny like I’m a clown. I will amuse you. I will make you laugh. Avail. for parties & funny business. Tommy. PS-8-6669
Life’s a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name. And it feels like home. M.(L.C.)
Macho Types Wanted: Must dance and have a mustache. Ph. PS-8-2879
FREE RENT In exchange for light housework. Cleaning supplies, gloves, and ball gag provided. Tel. PS-4-4677 Ask for Zed.
POOL BOY. I am looking for a pool boy. But let’s be honest, who isn’t? Call Trent PS-9-6737
Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart. Please call me. H. Dumpty
ROOMMATE for 1br. apt. Friendly neighborhood. Interests include: bottle caps, pigeons, the letter “W”. Rubber duckie friendly. Call Bert: PS-1-2345
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap. For a fee, I’m happy to be your back door man. Call PS-36-24-36
MARGOT, YOU’RE PARANOID It’s a problem. Everyone’s talking about it. Seriously. Everyone.
John, I’m very lucky to know you. Happy Birthday! P.S. I’m hiding in your closet.
M&S: You busy-bodies have busied your last body —B.B.
SEEKING GOOD HOME My partner and I adopted a Golden Retriever puppy but found out he’s allergic to dogs. Looking for a loving home. Loyal. Well trained. Not a picky eater. Good job. Has own car. Lisa PS-4-8229
Chicago typewriter. Blowback-operated. Air-cooled. Magazine-fed. Mult. settings. Fits standard violin case. Call PS-8-6669